If I Set My Mind to It
by CrypticMoonFang
Summary: Mike thought he had only four other personalities, but he was wrong. Manitoba Smith, Chester, Svetlana, and Vito were nothing compared to Damien. T for a reason! Was previously called "My Multiple Struggles" and apparently I can't come up with a better title, so I'm open to suggestions.
1. Chapter 1

~Chapter 1~

I sighed and looked up. It was dark, just how it should be in the middle of the night. The window offered a faint glow, not unlike a soft nightlight. Crickets outside chirped. the rain pattering against the roof was nature's lullaby. Sometimes I had trouble getting to sleep. The rain helped, but every time my personalities came into my thoughts, I just couldn't ignore them. They were always telling me to go away, to get lost and let one of them take control. I loved Zoey to death, that was the only reason I bothered to even _attempt_ to keep charge over my body. No one ever understood my disorder, not even my family. Everyone always said it was psychological, that it could be overcome as long as I set my mind to it. It wasn't true...

I was a freak, an abomination! Every day I saw people walk around enjoying their daily lives. They all kept talking about how normal was boring. I would give anything to be normal! I wanted to be in charge of my body, that way I could finally say the one thing I'd never been able to say before, "Normal sucks." But my condition was lifelong...meaning it would never go away. And since it was psychological, there wasn't really a treatment for it. Not that I was partial to shoving pills down my throat for the rest of my life, but if it helped make at least one of my personalities go away, I would do it without hesitation.

But there wasn't treatment, let alone an actual cure, so I kept it to myself. Every day of my life was spent striving to control four other people who wished to claim my body. I was always blanking out, then waking up to find myself in a hundred different messes. It was horrible... Svetlana had been pretty useful, but she was the _only_ useful personality I had. Vito was nothing but dead weight; he was a complete jerk and furthermore, he was obsessed with Ann Maria. His presence put a horrible strain on my relationship with Zoey. Manitoba Smith didn't help with that either, being so arrogant and sexist. At least Chester provided some form of humor in my crazy mix of personas. I felt like a rubber band. I was being stretched to my limits and one of these days, I was going to snap.

If I told anyone about this, they would react just like everyone else. People who knew I had Multiple Personality Disorder always tried to blackmail me, avoid me, or laughed at me. All the girls I'd dated dumped me, mainly because Vito decided to make perfectly timed appearances. Vito got me frustrated, and that triggered a cue for Chester, my "cranky old man" side. I never really knew what my personalities did when they took over. I knew it was pretty bad though. Mom had told me some of the things I did. I would mouth off to everyone with Chester, I would rap in the shower with Vito, I would cartwheel across fence bars with Svetlana, and I would get rowdy with Manitoba Smith. Was Mike even the real me, or just another persona, one that struggled to keep control over the others?

In total, I had five identities: Mike, Manitoba Smith, Vito, Svetlana, and Chester. Mike liked Zoey, which is why he tried to maintain control. Svetlana seemed to be bent on gracefully winning that million dollars, which is why I kind of liked having her around. However, my million dollars was alive, warm, sweet, caring, and beautiful...and unfortunately, she was frustrated with Vito/whoever else was in control of my body at the time. At first she thought it was for show, so she kind of let it slip by, but now I could feel the emotion radiating from her.

Why did I always have to ruin things? If MPD could be overcome so easily, then why wasn't there a handbook or some kind of pamphlet or something? Because that would be really nice right about now.

I huffed and turned over in my bunk bed. The wood holding it up creaked under my weight. I actually wasn't that heavy, it was just that these beds weren't very sturdy. Sometimes my personalities appeared in my dreams. Svetlana seemed to appear frequently in any dream that had an acrobatic environment. If it took place in a jungle, there she was, balancing on a thin tree branch or something. Vito loved dreams that took place in the streets. He always drove a tricked out car. Chester never seemed to appear in any particular dream, he just floated around, popping up every now and then. Manitoba Smith fancied any dream with the possibility of adventure or exploration. Sometimes Svetlana and Manitoba would get caught in the same dream. It was weird, having those two together, but they each did their own separate thing and never really mingled with each other.

I heard someone else's bed creak from the girls' side of the cabin. I wondered if it was Zoey, and what she could be dreaming about. They were all dreaming. Even those on the other team, they were all dreaming happily and contentedly. I wish I could be like them, even if it was just for one day. I was tired of spending my nights mulling over my personalities and trying not to fall asleep. I didn't want to black out again, I had enough of that during the day. Furthermore, I didn't want to see any of them in my dreams. It would be so nice to be normal...just for a few minutes.

Another creak from the other side of the cabin. Maybe someone was having a bad dream, or like me, a restless night. I wondered what they were thinking dreaming about. On this toxic wasteland, anything was possible. Naked laser squirrels, giant squids with one eye living in trees, sharks with legs that were amphibious...the list went on and on.

I decided to get up and go outside. The cabin was getting stuffy and I was tired of laying in my bed doing nothing. Fresh air would probably do me good. The door moaned as I opened it. I hoped no one heard it or woke up from it. Closing that stupid door made even more noise. I tried not to get frustrated, because if I got frustrated, Chester would come out. The last thing I needed was one of my multiples appearing.

Nobody followed me out, and just to make sure, I decided to go to the edge of the woods. I grasped the lowest branch and pulled myself onto it. Svetlana would be able to hop all the way to the top of this tree, but I just wanted to be alone and think awhile. I only needed to get to the first branch to do that. The good thing about her, though, was that if a tree squid tried to snatch me up, she would take charge of the situation and bound away from it, just as agilely as she always was. I didn't have to worry as much with her around.

I sat on the branch, my feet dangling over it. When I was a kid, I would climb trees all the time just to get away from everything, just to feel like I had some amount of freedom in my life. With four other personalities, freedom was a blessing. I wasn't always in control of myself, but when I climbed trees, I felt like I could. The smell of pine was refreshing, alluring even. My mom didn't want me outside too much, in case Manitoba or Vito came out. Both of them were nothing but troublemakers and my mom was afraid I would run away because of them. So whenever I got the chance, I would climb a tree, sometimes hopping from one branch to another on a different tree. Over time, they had become my playhouse _and_ my oasis, the one place where I could feel free and comfortable.

I plucked a pine twig from the other end of the branch and twirled it between my thumb and index finger. Sap stuck to me, but I was fine with that. The leaves were so green and spiky, kind of like a hairdo for a tree. It was funny, actually, how much nature varied. I was no treehugger, but at least for a little while, I could be in the one place where Mike was certain to be.

I heard the door open and looked to find that it was my cabin. One of my team members came out, but I couldn't make out who it was in the darkness. I wondered what anyone aside from me would be doing this late at night. The challenges Chris gave us were always exhausting, and we were always drained by the end of the day. I was still tired, that much I'd admit, but the only reason I could sleep was because I couldn't get my multiple personalities out of my head. I bet no one else had my disorder; after all, I'd never seen anyone but me be someone else.

"Hey," a feminine voice called up to me. I looked down from my branch to find Zoey standing underneath me. "Are you going to stay there all night?"

I remained silent. I didn't know if she knew it was me, or thought it was someone else. Technically both answers were right, thanks to all the different people inside me. I didn't know what she would think if she found out about this. Chances were, she would reject me just like all the others did.

"Well?" she continued. "You coming down?"

No. I didn't want her to know it was me. I didn't even know how she found me up here to begin with. I was actually partial to spending the rest of the night here, isolated in this big pine tree. I really didn't want to come down.

"Mike?" she called.

I cursed under my breath. Great, just what I needed. She already knew it was me even though I didn't give away anything. But then again, she probably saw my bed empty. Yeah...not my best decision to overlook that.

I sighed and said, "Yeah?"

It was hard to tell, but I could've sworn I saw her smile. "Are you going to come down anytime soon?" She didn't sound mad at me.

I bit my lip. I didn't want to...but she already knew it was me, so... After a few moments of hesitation, I hopped off the branch and lowered my head. Sometimes I got paranoid that if I looked someone straight in the eye, they would know something was wrong with me.

"Hey, is something wrong?" she asked.

Perfect, just perfect... I should've never signed up for this reality show. Not only were the challenges dangerous, but all my personalities kept making their appearances. I always shrugged it off as acting it all out but I was sure people were starting question that by now.

"I'm fine," I answered. "Just wanted a little air, that's all." For once, it wasn't a complete lie. I really did want some fresh air and time to myself.

"Are you sure there's nothing else bothering you?"

I nodded. More lies. Every day it was just one huge stack of lies, one right after the other. Words couldn't describe how sick I was of it all.

I blacked out right then and there.


	2. Chapter 2

~Chapter 2~

I woke up alone. Somehow I'd gotten back up in the tree. Probably Svetlana. Or maybe it was Manitoba Smith. I was covered in mud for some reason. Svetlana wouldn't allow this to happen. Zoey wasn't around, which brought me to conclude that it was in fact Manitoba who had come out. And here I thought only a fedora cued him.

I noticed it was daytime. Wait...daytime. Daytime! I'd missed the challenge for today!

I hopped off the branch. If I was going to risk my life, it better be worth the million bucks. No, it better be worth Zoey. She was my whole world, the one thing I wouldn't be able to bear losing. I would give anything for her, that was how much she meant to me. We hardly had any alone time but...I still loved her. So much, more than she would ever know. And even if she didn't like me back, my feelings wouldn't change. That was why I couldn't tell her about my "characters". She wouldn't understand, she might even hate me for lying to her all this time! I didn't want her to hate me or think less of me. I just wanted to be with her, that's all. In order to do that, though, I would have to keep this a secret.

Now she was gone. She hadn't woke me up for the challenge, which meant she'd been offended by one of Manitoba's sexist comments about girls being weak and defenseless. I hated it when he said things like that, always making the girls angry. And once he was gone, guess who got blamed? Yeah, me. I didn't do any of this to get caught up in yet another misunderstanding, but darn it all I had serious psychological problems. And to think my conscience contained four different people, all who got me into trouble. Well, except Svetlana. Even though she got a little overconfident at times, she still came through for our team and helped us win the challenges. I was grateful to have her as one of my personalities.

I went back to the cabin. Who knows where the others ran off to? They could be miles away in any direction by now. I would never find them. It was all I could to wait until they came back. And unfortunately I'd missed breakfast. I wasn't hungry yet, having just woken up, but soon enough my stomach would be begging me for food. Hopefully hunger wouldn't bring out one of my personalities. I remembered the rain last night; it suddenly made sense that I was muddy. Manitoba Smith was known to get dirty while he explored, or did whatever. I guess the only real upside was that I felt energetic thanks to a good night's sleep. But the downside outweighed the upside, being as my teammates had abandoned me. I had to wonder why that was. Did it have something to do with the challenge, like some kind of extreme hide and seek game? It was a possibility and it would certainly explain why they ditched me.

Yeah, either it was the challenge or another one of Chris's insane rules. It made me feel a little better to know I hadn't been left alone for nothing. And it made me feel all the more better to know that now no one could see any of my multiple personalities, meaning they couldn't guess what my disorder was. Yeah, okay, that was two upsides, which outweighed the downside. Well, rather the downside had turned into the second upside.

I sighed. I was left alone, but even though it was for the best, I still felt lonely. After all, what was I supposed to do, wait on the doorstep until everyone came back? Surely there had to be something around here that could keep me busy... Maybe a yo-yo or a long string. I could do tricks with the yo-yo and play cat's cradle with the string. If there was a piece of paper, I could try my hand at origami. I wasn't very good at origami, but I could make paper airplanes. That was the only thing I could make though. However, cat's cradle was my specialty. I could make all kinds of little patterns with a single piece of string, and thanks to Svetlana, I had nimble fingers. I knew a few yo-yo tricks, but none of them were very good.

I'd learned to be resourceful as a child. Climbing trees, using bark as a pretend pirate boat, trying to identify what clouds looked like, playing around with onion grass...it was all fun to me. Well, maybe not now, but it was worth a shot if it kept me entertained. And if that didn't work, I could daydream about Zoey. I liked thinking about her, me asking her out for the first time and her saying yes, us two having a picnic together, even if it was just holding hands, thinking about her would keep my busy for hours. Unfortunately, whenever I got deep into thought, I became unaware of my surroundings until someone touched me.

I decided to go inside the cabin and search for a piece of string. There was nobody inside, as I expected. I frisked each person's bed, looking under bunks to find nothing but a bunch of dust bunnies. Hm...cleaning would keep me occupied, and it would serve as a nice surprise for the rest of my team when they got back to find a neat, clean cabin to sleep in.

I couldn't find a broom anywhere, so I crawled beneath to beds and swept the dust out with my hands until I was sure I'd thoroughly cleaned out all the dust. I couldn't take off my shirt, as that would summon Vito, so I had to keep using my hands as a makeshift broom. I could wash them off in the bathroom sink when I was done. I brushed the clumps of dust outside and continued brushing them along until they were off and under the doorsteps. At least now the floor was clean. And what an amazing difference it made! Everyone was going to be so happy to finally have a decent cabin, I couldn't wait to see the smiles on everyone's faces! And Zoey...maybe she would forgive me for Manitoba's actions. It was a nice little gift, meant not only for her, but for the whole team.

Now that the floor was done, I could get to work on making everyone's beds. I started with the top bunks first, getting the harder ones out of the way before moving on to the easier bottom bunks. I even fluffed their pillows and put them in a position where the slightly leaned against the wall. I tried to make sure each and every bed was perfectly made, saving my bed for last just in case they came back early. Good thing my bed was a bottom bunk. I didn't have much to contribute to my team since my other personalities kept getting in the way, so I felt this was the least I could do for them, finally able to do something of my own will.

Once the beds were made, I polished the lamp with the bottom of my shirt, not taking it off for fear of Vito popping up. The lamp was pretty dirty, but I didn't mind. Once it was nice and shiny, I fixed the lampshade, tilting into an straight, upright position. The whole cabin suddenly looked like an entirely different place. It was a nice change from the dirty old cabin we were all sick of living in. Having nothing left to tidy up, I inspected the beds and smoothed out any wrinkles I could find. Of course, that didn't take long at all, and before I knew it, I had nothing left to do. I could clean the other cabin, but I didn't want my team to feel like I'd betrayed them by helping the competition.

I let out a deep breath. Normally, when I had nothing to do, I would sit on my bed and ponder over things. But this time, I wanted everything to stay neat, that way it could remain a surprise for everyone else. Messing up my bed would ruin that surprise. And besides, this was the only real way I could lend a hand while everyone was gone. They would be so tired when they got back, so I just knew they would be glad to sleep in a comfortable bed. I couldn't fix the creaking, granted, but at least I'd managed to make their beds look good and inviting. I just hoped it was enough for Zoey to forgive me. She wasn't exactly the type to hold a grudge, but just in case...

I sighed and waited. And waited...and waited...and waited. It took forever, but finally my team, as well as the other team, arrived. I got off the doorstep and stretched. Sitting still for so long without having eaten yet was tiring and my muscles were stiff from inactivity. Besides, my team's arrival meant dinner, and dinner meant food, and food meant no more hunger. Now I _really_ couldn't wait, I was starving! some people got headaches from hunger. Thankfully I wasn't one of those people. I was glad, because multiple personalities was enough to handle. And heck, I couldn't truly handle it anyway!

I saw Zoey headed my way and smiled at the mere sight of her. She might hate my other selves, but at least she didn't hate Mike. And Manitoba...well, I hope I could make it up to her. But once she drew nearer, I noticed something was wrong with her. She had her head down and seemed to be so distracted, as if she was thinking about something serious. I frowned. I did all this mainly for Zoey. Hopefully this would be enough to get her out of her funk.

As the rest of the team moved on, Zoey stopped and looked at me with this hateful glare. Manitoba Smith must've done something really bad, he probably took it too far this time...

I tried to pretend I didn't see her and opened the door for my fellow teammates, putting on a fake smile to try to impress them. They gasped merrily as they took in the sight of the improved and practically refurbished cabin. It seemed like forever before Zoey finally caught up with the rest of us. I kept the door open for her and gestured for her to come in and see what I'd done for everybody. I kept my fake smile. It was easy to tell something was on her mind, and obviously it was really important. I wondered if it was about me, or should I say Manitoba.

She didn't speak to me as she walked by. Maybe she was just too deep into thought to notice me. She certainly didn't seem to be surprised at the clean cabin. Well...at least she would have a nice bed and a clean room to sleep in. Maybe tomorrow would be different, and her grudge would be gone. That's what I hoped, at least. For her to give me that kind of look, Manitoba must've said something awful. I just...I wish I knew what had happened.

I began to go inside the cabin, but before I could take two steps, Zoey slammed the door in my face.

What the _heck_ did I say?


	3. Chapter 3

~Chapter 3~

I slept outside that night. I didn't like it, but if Zoey wanted her space after whatever happened last night, then that was fine with me. At least she got to come back to a clean room and neat beds. Everything was nice and organized in there, just how I wanted it to be. I hope she liked it. Maybe it wasn't enough, but hopefully she wouldn't hold a grudge forever. You know, forgive and forget.

I looked up at the stars through the prickly leaves of the pine tree, the same one I'd been sitting in last night. The tree shrouded a lot of them from my view, but I could still see enough to be satisfied. I wondered if any of my personalities, aside from Manitoba of course, knew what was going on. Maybe they could use my eyes without my ever knowing about it. Or maybe they could tap into my brain or something. Sometimes I wish they knew, that way they could realize why I had so few friends. Zoey was right...my "characters" made it really hard to get to know me. I wasn't trying to offend her with all this, I just didn't want her to think so little of me. Maybe I would tell her when she got to know Mike, the real me. But for now, I had to keep making her wonder who I really was. It would be difficult though; I myself sometimes wondered who I really was, and if in fact, Mike was my true self. I hardly knew me, how was I supposed to get her to know me?

One thing I was dying to know, though...why did Zoey hate me so much? Sure, Manitoba could be pretty...well, Manitoba-ish, but I've never experienced anything like this before, even from him! What if he'd stepped out of line and said something perverted? It would definitely explain the glare and the door. It made sense why she locked me out now. I would never even think of something perverted, but I had no way of telling what Manitoba thought. I hoped he wasn't actually falling for her... If that was the case, then it was the same as two different people falling in love with the same girl. Except the two people shared one body, which made it difficult to find romance at all, let alone win Zoey over. It soon turned into a question of who would win her heart. For some reason, certain girls liked to be complimented on their body or be called sexy or hot or something of that nature. But I doubted Zoey was one of them. She was definitely a girl of morals.

I sighed, realizing that tonight would be yet another restless night. Why was it just me? Nobody ever understood me, nobody else had Multiple Personality Disorder, nobody ever realized the constant struggle I had to go through day after day! And now I was losing Zoey thanks to my abomination of a mind.  
I could only wonder why this was all happening only to me. I'd never seen anyone with a disorder they couldn't control...it was like I'd been abandoned on a small, deserted island in the middle of the ocean, where no one even had a chance of finding me. So I hid my disorder to the best of my ability. I pretended to be an actor that got so engulfed into his character roles that he didn't even know what was going on around him. How many other people had that problem?

Why was I cursed to live this nightmare over and over again? It was the same routine every day, someone else stole my body, banishing me to the back of my mind, where I had no idea where I was or what was happening. Why couldn't people just understand how hard this was? I couldn't control myself! _Literally! _But...I guess that didn't matter in other people's eyes. The world could be so cruel, especially to those who had this kind of problem, something that "could only be cured if they set their minds to it". Well I'd been setting my mind to it for years, and I'd gotten nowhere. Wasn't there any hope out there?

I sat up on my tree branch just in time to hear the door to my cabin open. Cameron stepped outside and looked around. I assumed he was looking for me, and I assumed this had to do with Zoey. Either that, or he was going to let me back in the cabin. He quietly called out to me.

I hopped down from the branch. At least one person could be trusted, the only one who knew about my disorder, and the only one who wasn't repulsed by it. I was happy to have Cameron as a friend.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked as I walked up to him.

He frowned and averted his gaze. "I think you might want to see this..."

I mimicked his frown. "What is it?"

He took a deep breath and led me to the cabin window, motioning for me to look inside. At first, I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but then I saw Zoey by the glow of the moon sitting upright in her bed, silently crying.

"I'm no psychic, but something tells me this has to do with you," Cameron said. "And I don't mean the Mike side of you."

I shook my head, not quite understanding what had happened. None of my personalities would've done this. Manitoba and Vito, although very much into romancing girls, would much rather impress them than hurt them. Chester was just a cranky old man, but he never actually dealt any harm. As for Svetlana, she was a girl herself, and focused her attention on flaunting her incredible acrobatic skills, which meant the only blows she could throw was lowering someone else's hopes of decent acrobatic performance. So...it couldn't have been me, or any other sides of me. It didn't make any sense! It was _obvious_ that it had been me by the way Zoey shut me out, but why? What did I do wrong? None of my personalities did this... What was happening? Why was she crying? Why was she being so hateful with me?

"Mike?" Cameron said, awaiting a response.

But I didn't know how to respond, I couldn't even figure out what was going on. I could go up to her and ask her, but if by some stroke of misfortune it _was_ one of my personalities, then what was I supposed to do? I couldn't just ask her what I did, that would bring up the question of how I didn't know. And I couldn't afford to tell her about my disorder, that would only make her hate me more. I had to do something though, I couldn't just let her sit in her bed crying silent tears. Maybe there was a chance she was crying over something else...?

"Mike?" Cameron asked again.

I took a deep breath and said, "I don't know. Could you let me in the cabin so I can ask her?"

He didn't give me a reply, but lead me up the doorsteps and opened the door, propping it open with his arm so I could go in. I was careful to be quiet, but that door was still creaky. Thankfully Zoey was too deep in thought to hear it, and everyone else was out cold. I wondered what Zoey was thinking about. Hopefully I would find out soon enough.

I crept slowly toward her, successfully avoiding any creaky wood planks on the floor. Because the cabin was so small, it wasn't long before I got to her. Even when I was so close, even when I was _right there_, she didn't see me. It was like me in one of my daydreams, I never knew what was going on around me until someone touched me. But I hesitated to bring her out of her thoughts. Was she thinking about me? Was she thinking about what I did? Was she considering other options, a reason, some other motive to make me do what I did or say what I said? Either way...I prayed she would forgive me.

I slowly reached a hand out, but halted halfway. The way her tears glistened in the light of the moon...it broke my heart. No words could explain how horribly this sight was hurting me. My stomach somehow managed to tie itself into a huge knot. My throat was being strangled by an invisible python. My eyes had been sprayed with some sort of burning poison. The sight of salty tear trails cascading down her cheeks, face all blotchy, eyes watery, mind distanced, chest shaking... I just...I couldn't take it. It was too much for me. This was my fault, I made her this way. She didn't deserve to have me around, unintentionally hurting her more.

I glanced at Cameron, who was motioning me to go on, to ask her what was wrong. I knew what was wrong, it was evident, written all over her face. I was what was wrong. I didn't know who did this, I only knew that it had been my body. But Zoey probably wouldn't care, and I couldn't up and tell her about my disorder. People with disorders were freaks, a burden to the world... How could I possibly be an exception? It was the reason every girl dumped me the moment another one of my personalities came out. I'd tried telling them up front about my personalities, but when they heard what I had, they stopped answering my calls, never acknowledged me, and utterly ignored me. So I kept my disorder a secret and tried to hide my other selves from everyone else. I had to face facts, I was nothing more than another mistake. And now Zoey knew that.

I pulled my hand back and shook my head. I'd already lost her, there was no way I could make amends for this. She didn't want me near her, and she'd even made it very clear. She could hate me all she wanted, but I would show her how much she meant to me. Maybe I didn't have the guts to say it, but I could show her by doing what she wanted.

I shook my head again, but the memory of what I'd just seen was burned into my mind. It would never go away. I would remember this night for the rest of my life, and each second of each day, I would regret whatever happened during the time I was gone, to be replaced by someone else. They were always trying to get rid of Mike, always trying to take over and control me. They literally had me on a chain here, I couldn't get loose! But I would stay away from Zoey nonetheless, because at least I could control that much of myself. Even if one of them managed to overthrow me, at least I was away from her, at least I was still doing what she wanted me to do.

I started toward the door, hoping the noise from it wouldn't snap her out of it. Cameron stood looking at me. There was disbelief written all over his face. He didn't understand why I was leaving, but I knew it was for the best. If he followed me outside, I would tell him everything, I would explain why I left without trying to cheer Zoey up or asking her what was wrong. I let out a long breath when I heard footsteps shuffling behind me. No...he wouldn't...!

I turned around just in time to have a pillow thrown at my head. I ducked quickly, letting it hit the wall behind me. I put up my hands as someone's sweaty sock was hurled at me. It landed a few inches from my feet. I opened my mouth to tell her to stop, but no sooner than the first word formed on my lips, she threw a shoe at my head. It hit me on the forehead.

"Zoey, wait!" I yelled as I rubbed my head.

The other shoe was thrown at me. This time it hit me in the gut. For someone so upset, her aim was surprisingly accurate. I sped out the door as everyone else was waking up with complaints about all the noise. Cameron mouthed, "Sorry!" The door closed and I heard a thump from where Zoey had thrown something else. She had no intention of hearing _anything_ I had to say.

I sighed. The glare, the door slamming, the crying, the aggression...it all sent a pretty clear message. I was no longer welcome in her personal space. Or the cabin, on that note.

A strong wind brought cold water drops. A storm was brewing again. Looked like I would be spending another night taking an all natural shower.


	4. Chapter 4

~Chapter 4~

Five minutes after being outside, the heavy clouds brought rain, which was to be expected since it was a storm. Well, probably two minutes later, the rain turned into a downpour. Another few minutes passed and strong winds pushed the rain everywhere. One second the rain was going east, the next it was going west. The winds were so strong and frigid that not only did I get soaked in a matter of seconds, but they officially turned the ordinary storm into a merciless maelstrom. Of all nights, Zoey had to choose this one? Why? Yeah, apparently I did something bad, but _come on!_ The one night she chose to kick me out and now the only thing that could possibly make it worse was hail. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if a chunk of ice aimed itself at me this moment. This went beyond even Izzy's level.

I was blasted in the face with a mixture of icy wind and extremely heavy rain. Talk about chilled to the bone, I bet even my personalities were freezing! Manitoba probably had forty fedoras on and twenty ropes wrapped around him. Vito was probably no longer shirtless, who knows how many shirts he would've put on by now! Chester was a different story, he would be complaining nonstop by now, I could see him insulting the weather, something about "darn kids polluting the earth" or something like that. Svetlana would continue honing her acrobatic skills even though she had already perfected them, she would probably use this kind of weather to practice balance from the windstorm and tolerance to the cold. Again, at least she was useful in the fact that if needed that badly, she would take charge of my body and bound away to find shelter. I could find shelter too, but not in the way she could. After all, being as she could do all kinds of crazy jumps, somersaults, and leaps, she could climb up a mountain easily and quickly.

I was almost knocked from my no-longer-comfortable pine tree branch by another relentless gust of wind. This time chills were sent down my spine and I had never felt so alert in my life. It was like the storm triggered something in my mind that made me fully wake up and focus. There was no way I could get even a little drowsy in this storm. Another torrent washed over me, this time taking me with it and plucking me from my branch. I landed in a horribly muddy flood. It didn't come as much of a surprise. I hoped I wouldn't get frustrated. Chester would come out and do nothing but stand there shouting out to the sky, which by the way, couldn't be seen past the rain. He wouldn't try to get out of the storm like the rest of my personalities. If only I could find the confessional...

Since I could just barley see the tree I'd fallen out of, I pushed through the strong winds. All the mud and flood waters hindered my attempts to find safety and someplace dry. I could hear the mud make sucking noises as I pulled my feet from it. The water made sure to thoroughly soak my shoes. To top it, the winds didn't favor me. They angrily blew more rain in my face. At first, the rain was extremely uncomfortable, but now it stung every part of my body. I wondered if it was too late to rely on Svetlana's help.

I tried to concentrate on something else, but it was hard. The storm kept me focused on my surroundings. However, I was somehow able to bring up a few thoughts as I pushed myself to find the confessional. My only desire to be in an outhouse was to sleep, camera or not. No confessions from me tonight, even if the audience wanted to hear what I had to say. Well, sorry to disappoint them, but I really didn't have anything to say.

I had trouble of getting lost, but it was a risk I had to take. I managed to successfully bring a memory to the front of my mind. It was a memory, actually, and it gave me an excellent reminder of why I couldn't tell anyone, the exception being Cameron since he figured it out, about my disorder. The memory was deeply related to this subject, and so my past had become a very touchy and delicate field of conversation. Only my uncle knew about it, since my mom and dad died in a car crash involving a drunk driver when I was twelve. Ever since then, I'd been living with my uncle, whose wife had left him, leaving him to raise a son that was a junior in college. I was glad I had an uncle who thought of me as another son. He couldn't replace my parents, but at least he gave me the love of a real father and the understanding of my disorder. He treated me like a normal person despite all my personalities popping up. He reminded me so much of my dad, and I'd come to accept him as a parent rather than an uncle. My cousin was practically my brother, although he had problems tolerating my personalities. But he treated me like a little brother when I was Mike. He looked out for me, playfully teased me about things other than my disorder, and made sure to be there for me when I needed him. I was very lucky to have them. I actually had two other uncles and an aunt, but my aunt was too busy divorcing and getting remarried over and over again, one of my uncles was in jail, and the other uncle was a drug addict who cared more about girls than anyone else.

My friends sometimes made fun of my personalities, especially Chester. Everyone else who found out about it, usually from overhearing my friends, quickly spread the word to the entire school. Ever since I was little, that was how my life was. Chester was apparently so hilarious that people would intentionally try to bring him out. They did everything they could, from laughing at me to writing embarrassing notes to me on the bathroom window to literally beating me up. Since the beating me up part seemed to be the most effective method of making me turn into a grumpy old man, that was what I was put through almost daily. I tried to keep calm, but when people were kicking you and punching you all the time, it wasn't exactly easy. None of them understood...none of them cared. We had to move several times because someone discovered my secret, and when that happened, the cycle would start all over again. So I signed up for this reality TV show in hopes of getting people to recognizing me as a star competitor instead of someone worthy of pure torture and humiliation. Maybe if they changed their point of view, we wouldn't have the incredible financial burden of having to constantly move. In fact, we kept having to pay so much that we couldn't afford to live in a house anymore, so we had to settle for an apartment. We were fine with an apartment, but we still had to keep moving. Every year or two, we changed our address. Sometimes there was a six-month time frame. I kept having to change schools. My cousin was always sending letters to the wrong address, so we had to mail him the new one. He was in college, and hardly had time to memorize all this.

I bumped into something and snapped back to reality, now fully aware of my surroundings. Sadly, I didn't bump into the confessional, but into the other team's cabin. It would be considered betrayal to my team if I asked to sleep in there...right? Whatever, even if it was interpreted as betrayal, drastic times called for drastic measures, and if this was a drastic time, I didn't know what was.

I rapped on the door, my body shivering and half frozen. The door didn't open. I tried again, this time banging on it. Hopefully my sound hadn't been drowned out by the storm. Lightning flashed in the clouds above me, followed immediately by roaring thunder. Surely that would wake someone up. I tried knocking again, even harder this time. My hair kept flying around my face, even though it was heavily weighted with rainwater. Finally I felt the door open. I couldn't see ten inches in front of me, but I could make out a human form. I didn't know who it was, but I hoped they would stick around long enough for me to find out. If they would just allow me in that cabin for a few seconds, it would be the highlight of my day.

"Can I come in?" I yelled.

There was definitely a verbal response, but I had no clue what they were saying. The storm pulled the sound away from me.

"What?" I yelled.

Another incomprehensible reply.

"WHAT?" I screamed.

The figure reached an arm out and yanked me inside. I was hit with a warmth that made me smile. I sighed in relief. "Thank you."

I heard the door closed and the pounding wind was block, as well as the sharp rain. I tilted my head back, panting from my efforts to find a safe spot to spend the night. There had been elimination ceremonies, so there had to be at least one or two empty beds. When I looked to see who had let me in, I saw Jo. Everyone else in the cabin was up, grunting and groaning, sounding a lot like Chester. It was instantly made clear that I had become a disturbance. And in Camp Wawanakwa, losing sleep was like shaving half a year off your life.

"What idiot goes out in a storm this bad?" Scott spat.

"Sorry for waking you guys up. I was trying to get out of the weather, and you were the only thing I could see," I replied.

Jo groaned. She was equally unhappy about losing sleep. "Can't you go bug your own team?"

I hesitated to tell them about what happened with my team, but if I wanted to have a chance of spending the night here, I had to tell them. "Zoey kicked me out and I got caught in this storm."

Per usual, Scott never missed a chance to jump back into the conversation. "And Zoey kicked you out because...?"

I shook my head and moved a tuft of black hair out of my eyes. "I don't know, she's mad at me."

"For...?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea, she won't talk to me. I swear, I wouldn't be out in this kind of weather if I could stay in my team's cabin. I was hoping I could sleep here tonight, at least for one night, that's all."

Jo and Scott exchanged looks, as if communicating telepathically. Lightning and Brick groggily yawned and laid down, obviously not caring whether I stayed or not. They pulled the covers over their heads and made themselves comfortable as they shifted around in their beds. Jo and Scott remained silent for what felt like a hundred eternities. I was quietly praying they would allow me to spend just one night here. It wasn't like I was trying to gather their secrets or weaknesses, and I had the drenched and freezing body as proof of that. Plus, how was I supposed to find out anything if they were all asleep?

Finally, they came to an agreement with each other.

"I guess," Scott grumbled.

Jo hastily added, "But _only_ for tonight."

I held up my pinkie finger as a promise that I would leave first thing in the morning. Little did I know what tomorrow would bring...


End file.
